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| I wrote a college essay. And got very strong approval for the idea of the other one I wanted to write. Unfortunately, they're for the same school.
Things to do:
Call WCC
Write college essays
Change sheets/do laundry
Figure out what to do for senior pics
Remind Andreas Blass (but not before Aug 26)
Organize party (?)
Write novel
Survive next week
I redesigned my site. Well, just changed the coler scheme, really. Stopped using themes. I spent way too much on things like getting people's names to show up to use a theme.
I felt very unstable earlier. I need to stop dreaming. Or... okay, dreams are fun. But I need to keep them separate them from the waking world, so that the silly ideas my subconscious latches onto don't affect my life. When I make decisions, I seem to do it by overall... flavor, I guess. And dreams can affect that far too easily. | | |
| Someone was playing a really pretty song during ping-pong today, but I don't know what it's called.
Only two more days of camp. I'm going to miss everyone. | | |
| Meh. I did the selfless thing once, and I've regretted it ever since. So I don't think I'm going to be selfless ever again. No, that's a lie. Sarcasm, maybe. I mean, not this time.
Who knew that math camp could be so exhausing? I think I need like twelve hours of sleep to function these days, and I can't figure out why. It's also, just... having to be good at things. I'm under more pressure than anyone else, really, because my father's teaching it, and because I've already had a lot of the stuff, and because I think I'm good, and I've shown that I'm good, so the other kids think I'm good, and according to my father, even his assistants think I'm good. But maybe I'm not good, and I just want to be good. Or, I know I'm good, but maybe I'm not that good. And I'm so tired all the time.
And then socially. Dealing with the other kids. At Community there are never any new people. It's nice to meet some. But I'm also never going to see any of them again. But it's not just that, it's... there's someone there who's my complete opposite, and I want to like her and somehow we just keep clashing. Which is weird, because, well, I don't fight with that many people. I argue, but good-naturedly. I don't dislike anyone, really, at least not that much. And we just have this palpable tension. I feel like I used to in middle school, almost, and I was glad to be rid of that.
Maybe there's something about being with the same people everyday for six hours that's just so much more intense, even for a week, then being with six different sets of people in different settings for an hour each.
I want to be really good at ping-pong. This is not, however, a particularly realistic goal. I also want to play bridge. I also need to get things done, like: U of M paperwork (Math 412?), WCC paperwork (Biology), laundry, make decisions, apply to college, get a job (?), become a robot...
There's also this other thing. Maybe she's wrong and it's not even an issue. I don't know, though. Maybe I'm wrong and it's not even an issue, and that would make it not an issue, wouldn't it? Intoxicating, just the thought. I'm not wrong very often. But maybe things will change. Things have changed already. And I'm not a robot.
I'm pretty psyched for Art Fair. I should be used to it, living in Ann Arbor, but I always find it exciting. I was going to stop going to math camp so I could spend more time shopping, but I think not, now. I think I want to see this through to the end. | | |
| I am being unreasonable.
I don't know what to do about it. | | |
| The press from all of one of my Diplomacy games has just become available. There are like 750 messages for me to read, but I am going to do it. This is so exciting. (Also, Alex, this is the one you played in, if you have any interest in reading it).
Now I'm wondering if I should have done something similar (saved the press in an email I didn't mind giving the players access to) with the game I'm GMing. I will next time.
Edit: Who would have thought reading through old Diplomacy messages would be such an emotionally trying experience?
Lies, lies, lies. I never did, you know. Never, never, never. | | |
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